Being Ordinary

A lot has been written and spoken for and against the Nigerian Merit Awards. Why are we so obsessed with titles and where are our heroes? We are not content to do our work with passion and commitment and are not satisfied until we have a few letters before and after our names. As long as this excessive crave for marks of distinction continues, National Merit Award medals will continue to dangle on the necks of many undeserving recipients.  

Well, maybe we should at least credit the federal government for managing to contain the ‘rejection syndrome’ that has been a major talking point in previous ceremonies.  It has been achieved by ensuring that would-be recipients are compelled to respond before the list comes out to save the government from “avoidable” embarrassment. Who would want to be seen standing on the same podium as some of these our oh so unsavory characters. This year however we have been consoled by the fact that the list was pruned down from last year’s, and the Para Olympians who brought glory to the nation by winning gold at the London Paralympics were honored. The fact still remains that the credibility of the awards has not improved.

Where do we get our leaders? We cannot even compare their situation with the Sir Jimmy Savile case in UK. A great celebrity famous for making especially children’s dreams come true with his weekly program Jim’ll Fix It and his charitable organizations. He did a lot of good!

It turns out that he was a pedophile and sex fiend and his corruption was covered up by elements in his industry. He was all but given a state funeral but his crimes have caught up with him even in death when he cannot defend himself. A sad end. We just cover up with a bit of cash and it is hushed up but is it?

            

It is only Nigerian politicians who carry the honorary doctorates conferred on them by institutions of higher learning as titles. Their jostle for such awards upped their demand while cheapening them at the same time. Add that to their political titles – Excellency, Right Honorable, Most Distinguished, etc – and you have phrases of titles longer than their real names. In fact we dare not call them by their names. They are our Lords Spiritual and Temporal, Our Excellencies Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary! Na wah O! I sure se most Naija no even know what this means eh?!

Yet, it was in Japanese writer Yukio Mishima’s prose, Thirst for love (translated to English by Alfred H. Marks), that Kensuke said to his wife, Chieko: “The highest point at which human life and art meet is the ordinary. To look down on ordinary things is to despise what you can’t have. Show me a man who is afraid of being ordinary, and I’ll show you a man who is not yet a man.”

 It takes ordinary people to do extraordinary things. It takes extraordinary Nigerians to travel our tortuous roads and deal with the light and water situation here. It takes extraordinary Nigerians to give birth to children in poorly equipped hospitals, and raise them in a country where infant and maternal mortality rates are some of the highest in the world; it takes extraordinary Nigerians to keep vigil at fuel stations in one of the world’s largest oil-producing countries. It takes extraordinary Nigerian youth to navigate this abyss and still come out on top on the world stage. It is amazing that our leaders think that it is ok to travel in first class and get all these services in other countries. I suppose that it is ok for them as the visa process is not an issue. They are titled and have protocol. Big man no de queue!

 Arguably the most famous Nigerian is our music legend Fela. He gave the world Afro beat and his lyrics all ring true even today long after he has left us. He was also a political activist and died doing his thing here in Nigeria amongst his people. Where are his awards? Wole Soyinka, Chinua Achebe, I could go on and on.

   

This nation can only reach the highest point of development when we start to appreciate the genius of our ordinary extraordinary people. We have many recipients of international awards, why not here? We should appreciate what these truly extraordinary Nigerians do in promoting us and use them as role models and hope for our nation.  

Arrogance

You know that guy who really loves himself, thinks he has the best of everything and is never wrong, who acts as if he is superior to other people and moves around with a swagger. This is an arrogant person.

Arrogance is a double-edged sword, it can help you attract a few fans as it is the dark side of confidence, and confidence is a good thing. Arrogance however will fill the hearts of those around you with hatred. After all, no one likes to be treated with disdain, and made to feel inferior.

Sometimes the real reason for acting in this arrogant way is to hide one's own feelings of inferiority. A person who tries to give the impression that he is superior may be hiding afear or some kind of vulnerability. If someone claims the ability to do good things like any normal human being, that’s fine but if someone starts to act like a demi-God because of the powerful position in which he finds himself, then he is probably feeling exactly the opposite – in fact very inadequate and anxious - and is trying to compensate for that fear by trying to appear superior. It is all about show and no substance.

In most religions arrogance is considered a spiritual disease simply because thinking that you are superior means that you think that you are the only one responsible for your success, or that you deserve success more than the next person and so, implicitly denying the role of God. We live in a nation where I am sure we see the power of God everyday. Ask President Goodluck Jonathan about that. Even he stated that he is only president by the grace of God.

Why then are we so arrogant when we gain wealth, status and position? Why do we so quickly forget our humble beginnings when we feel that we have achieved or have a healthy bank balance. It is amazing how it all becomes about belonging to the privileged group or keeping up appearances. We need to show that we have arrived. We play this script over and over and over again. It is like we never learn from the example of our forefathers – so many people who reached the heights from humble beginnings, behaved arrogantly, and ended up disgraced and alone!

The same thing happens at home. If we are presently in a relationship that is difficult, we are not happy with our partner, our child, some aspect of our life, we should look within and question what aspects of “OUR” behavior is creating this scenario around us. Always blaming the other person, and never us accepting fault. We should understand that it is never about the other person. It is about “US.” We need to take a good look at ourselves O!

Arrogant people are reactionary. We react to protect the superior image we want to portray. We are actually easy to control as one can predict our reaction to any given set of circumstances. All that is required is to make us feel important and we will like you. After all, the arrogant person wants nothing more than to be respected. On the other hand if you want to provoke our displeasure, simply ignore us or disagree. We hate to feel disrespected.

If you feel that you are good at something then that's great, but know that you are still a human being who has many weaknesses. Focusing only your points of strength will make you arrogant, Thinking only of your weaknesses will make you feel worthless, while focusing on both of them will make you master of yourself. This is the key to satisfaction in life, doing your own thing and letting others be. To live and let live and be master of self.

So if you find yourself always in an argument or having a turbulent relationship with your partner, take a step back and remove yourself from the situation. Try to imagine how the scene would run if you applied some positivity.“Most of us are accustomed to the idea that we are responsible for most of our actions but not all of them. We consider ourselves responsible, for example, for the good deed that brings our neighbour and us together, or for responding to it positively, but we do not consider ourselves responsible for the argument between our partner and us or for responding to it negatively.” – (Gary Zukav, The Seat Of The Soul)

Free Will

We have read so many theories on how Entity Nigeria was forced on us by the British colonialists. In 1914, the Southern and Northern protectorates were amalgamated for easier administration. Nigeria was conceived, as a “marriage of convenience.” Is this now becoming an inconvenient truth?

 

Two years short of a century since the perceived Contract Nigeria was signed (or imposed on us, as many would like to put it), is it not time that we accept that we are an entity and by any stretch of the imagination have achieved something? A 98-year-old marriage, I believe, can be described as a successful one, especially in these turbulent times. We really have no justification to continue undermining the unity of this nation. We should roll up our shirtsleeves and simply get on with it.

 

Every sovereign country today has its own internal struggles, mirage or reality, which militate against unity. This follows from the fact that the concept of absolute national homogeneity is almost impossible in today’s global village because language, social, ethnic, cultural and religious issues present certain challenges in the quest for national unity. However, many nations of the world have done so through equity, fairness and justice – the three unifying vehicles for national harmony.

 

Our colonial masters may have “cloned” this nation, but they did not divide us into ethnic regions. Our creation of geo-political zones has only had an effect on hampering our unity more than any other singular factor. These are merely ethnic demarcations built up on political lines. Nigeria as an entity has nevertheless survived over the years; we have Igbo, Yoruba, Hausa, Nupe, Ebira, Tiv, Fulani, Urhobo, Ijaw and many others ‘residing’ in Nigeria, but Nigeria is yet to be. We are not real. We are only diverse peoples occupying the land mass called Nigeria; people of the ‘Niger area’ but not Nigerians.

 

There is absolutely nothing wrong with acknowledging our differences. If anything, this could even strengthen us. Where the problem lies is when our politicians duel, in deadly fashion, with these differences in total disregard for the damage that may be caused, whenever it serves their selfish interest. This is when we act as complete strangers wary of each other except, of course, when there is personal gain to be had. This is why, after nearly a century, we have not been able to harness our potential. The real strength of a nation comes from its people. If we want to move forward, the time to start being Nigerian is now.

 

A US study predicted our disintegration in 2015. The late Libyan leader, Muammar Gadhafi, also urged us to divide along religious lines. No doubt, his ‘advice’ was premised on his ignorant view of us as a country made up of a totally “Muslim north and Christian south”. It is clear that he obviously did not understand even the changing dynamics of his own land. We should not allow this to happen here.

We must just resolve to be Nigerians. We need to find that patriotism. We all must be included. We need to be proud to call ourselves Nigerian. It begins with the parents who tell their children to embrace other ethnic groups. With the father who consents to his daughter’s marriage even though the suitor is of another land or religion and the young man who was born and has lived his whole life in a particular region being able to access all the benefits and attain all the heights that an indigene can, because he is Nigerian and belongs.

 

Changing the status quo has never been a painless adventure, but the success of this nation depends on it. Most people simply accept situations. They live life in the path that has been set for them. They are too afraid to explore any other way. The devil that they know is better than the devil that they don’t know. Sometimes we are not even aware why we do things in particular ways. It has always been done so, so we continue for that reason only. But once in a while, people come along who knock down all the obstacles that are put in our way. These people realize that free will is a gift that we will never know how to use until we fight for it.

 

This is God’s real plan for us. We should rise up as a people and fight for this right; come together as one and build our Nigeria with love and determination.

The Life Cycle

The most potent test tool for the essence of a people’s existence is their culture. The late Kenyan environmental activist Wangari Maathai referred to culture as coded wisdom in the custody of the elderly in every African community. Here in Nigeria, such wisdom, which defines what a people are, is not in short supply. In fact, I am yet to find a country with a more complete value system entrenched in the ways of life of its people than Nigeria. We are however quickly losing this as we navigate more and more to cities and lose that community spirit and respect. Nobody listens to the elderly anymore. We squander their knowledge, as we do the abundant natural resources that God has gifted us with.

The world over, it is the parents’ responsibility to care for their children. In almost all Nigerian cultures, this value system pushes that sense of duty a notch higher. It is not enough for the Nigerian parent to provide for their children, they do so with the consciousness that their children will either be a blessing or a curse to the larger community, depending on the kind of care they receive early in life. Beyond being duty-bound, our culture measures parents’ virtues by what their children turn out to be in life. This is why the single mother selling roasted corn by the roadside has children she is educating, sometimes up to university level, when her daily income is nothing to write home about. This is why fathers will sell their property, rather than watch an opportunity pass their children by, be it qualitative education or a business opportunity. They just don’t want to fail only the children but also society at large.    

Traditionally, our culture of care does not end at the parent-to-child level. In reality, care giving is a cycle whose beneficiary is interchangeable. As is expected of parents to adequately provide and care for their dependent children, so are the children bound to respect and honor their parents in their old age.  Every senior citizen is the responsibility of the younger generation, as every child is the responsibility of an adult. This reciprocal system is validated by two Nigerian proverbs. “Though one woman gives birth, the entire community cares for the child.” and “When a rabbit grows old, it sucks from its offspring’s milk.”

Unfortunately, the elderly, who are the most vulnerable in our society, have neglected the younger generation as they have drifted from home. We are already experiencing the results of a broken duty.  Senior citizens have been too readily cast aside. Their ways are outdated and of no use. We too will soon be old and will soon be experiencing the same treatment!

We are generation selfish who feel that we know it all. We forget the cycle of life and are blissfully unaware that soon, we shall not feel so strong and invincible but will have knowledge to transfer if our counsel is sought and will need a shoulder to lean on.

 There is no merit in setting up Ministries of Niger-Delta and youth development and pension commissions, etc. if the ideology and the principles, which have necessitated their creation, are not valued. They are thus set up purely as moneymaking ventures for those politicians appointed to oversee them. They cannot perform a civic duty as the corruption of the officials only feeds fat on the sweat of its citizens.

Think of a child, think of the joy that the sounds and the sight of a child bring. Think of what we learn from watching a child grow and think of the unconditional love that our children give us. What would the world be without this love?

Then think of us, able and strong with the ability to care for these children and do what ever we need to protect and nurture them.

Our parents do this for us. On life’s journey, they acquire all the skills to flourish, protect us and survive. They made mistakes on this arduous quest, and when no longer physically able, have the ability in their memory drive to guide us down the beaten track and thereby give us a formula to enable us avoid their failings and improve on their successes. They have empowered us. We should not throw away this gift and should remind ourselves of this culture, as our failure to do so will cost us dear and deprive us of that success which so desperately eludes us.                         

Reputation

There are always two sides to every coin, good and bad sides to every situation. With automobiles for instance came road accidents and carbon emissions; with the World Wide Web and smart banking came Internet fraud, “yahoo yahoo”. And now, with the social media comes a new form of crime perpetrated by cyber predators.

No situation is all bad or all good! That man-made creations come with their headaches is evidence of our fallibility. We should however not hide under our imperfections.  Nigeria is not the only nation where there is moral decay and the resultant social unrest due to the neglect of our cultural values.  Our situation is not peculiar and we cannot afford to isolate our country in this time when the world has become a global village and so many are celebrating their history and advances. It is our responsibility to choose how to be influenced, either positively or negatively.

 A reflection of the brilliance of our youth is the speed at which we learn, despite the poor situation of our schools, the erratic power supply and the poor ICT services. Nigeria has nevertheless one of the highest cybercrime rates in the world! We will always find a solution to any shortcomings that we face. Why do we more often than not choose the negative way though? What is it that makes us follow this path? Is it because that is what is mostly in the public eye, or is it because it is easier to be irresponsible in a place where the authorities are not big on consequences and do not appreciate the damage that is being done daily to the country’s reputation?

The value of a good reputation I believe is clear. It is crucial for us to build a reputation for being generally good. The character Cassio in Othello describes reputation as “the immortal part of myself” and it is certainly true that once no one suspects that you are likely to be bad, it is remarkable what we can get away with. Be consistently good and a blip in our behavior may even be overlooked! Cassio goes on to say that without reputation, “what remains is bestial”, and while this is more true for some than others, we should not allow ourselves to forget that there are always consequences and we are not animals.

Hitler managed to con a nation to rise against a sector of their people. It was amazing that a small beady-eyed dark haired fellow was the architect of the Arian race of which he was not one. He captivated a whole nation with his oratory and his propaganda and we all saw the devastating result that it had on Europe and the rest of the world. He was no doubt brilliant but channeled his energy to the dark side.

 The result was terror, theft, genocide, great suffering for all and ultimately war. Despite the great strides in inventions that he encouraged for the German nation, they only then attracted odium, isolation and destruction. They have had to work very hard to repair, reconcile and work still to ensure that this dark chapter in their history never repeats itself.

We should learn from this. There are Nigerian youths who are still socially responsible and morally upright. It is the reason why we cannot give up on Nigeria; why we all should not give up on this country. Some have decided to touch lives through the use of social media. An example is a group of young people who mobilized their ‘friends’ on Twitter, Facebook and BBM to raise over six million naira for Osarere Idiagbonya, a 28-year-old breast cancer patient. These are the Nigerian youths we need to celebrate!

In present day Nigeria where family and community have been replaced with the every-man-for-himself attitude, our youth have little guidance from the country’s leaders.  Therefore, to ensure that they focus more on the positive side of every invention, we must crave moral restoration. Society should reward good deeds and stop celebrating those who have clearly altered our collective definition of greatness. When those who stand up for justice, those who are morally upright and selfless, are portrayed as models of the society no matter their social standing, it won’t be long before we start to earn the type of reputation that should rightly be associated with Nigeria. It is only then that the governments branding of “Good people, great nation” can be realized. It can be achieved.   http://www.facebook.com