Being Ordinary

A lot has been written and spoken for and against the Nigerian Merit Awards. Why are we so obsessed with titles and where are our heroes? We are not content to do our work with passion and commitment and are not satisfied until we have a few letters before and after our names. As long as this excessive crave for marks of distinction continues, National Merit Award medals will continue to dangle on the necks of many undeserving recipients.  

Well, maybe we should at least credit the federal government for managing to contain the ‘rejection syndrome’ that has been a major talking point in previous ceremonies.  It has been achieved by ensuring that would-be recipients are compelled to respond before the list comes out to save the government from “avoidable” embarrassment. Who would want to be seen standing on the same podium as some of these our oh so unsavory characters. This year however we have been consoled by the fact that the list was pruned down from last year’s, and the Para Olympians who brought glory to the nation by winning gold at the London Paralympics were honored. The fact still remains that the credibility of the awards has not improved.

Where do we get our leaders? We cannot even compare their situation with the Sir Jimmy Savile case in UK. A great celebrity famous for making especially children’s dreams come true with his weekly program Jim’ll Fix It and his charitable organizations. He did a lot of good!

It turns out that he was a pedophile and sex fiend and his corruption was covered up by elements in his industry. He was all but given a state funeral but his crimes have caught up with him even in death when he cannot defend himself. A sad end. We just cover up with a bit of cash and it is hushed up but is it?

            

It is only Nigerian politicians who carry the honorary doctorates conferred on them by institutions of higher learning as titles. Their jostle for such awards upped their demand while cheapening them at the same time. Add that to their political titles – Excellency, Right Honorable, Most Distinguished, etc – and you have phrases of titles longer than their real names. In fact we dare not call them by their names. They are our Lords Spiritual and Temporal, Our Excellencies Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary! Na wah O! I sure se most Naija no even know what this means eh?!

Yet, it was in Japanese writer Yukio Mishima’s prose, Thirst for love (translated to English by Alfred H. Marks), that Kensuke said to his wife, Chieko: “The highest point at which human life and art meet is the ordinary. To look down on ordinary things is to despise what you can’t have. Show me a man who is afraid of being ordinary, and I’ll show you a man who is not yet a man.”

 It takes ordinary people to do extraordinary things. It takes extraordinary Nigerians to travel our tortuous roads and deal with the light and water situation here. It takes extraordinary Nigerians to give birth to children in poorly equipped hospitals, and raise them in a country where infant and maternal mortality rates are some of the highest in the world; it takes extraordinary Nigerians to keep vigil at fuel stations in one of the world’s largest oil-producing countries. It takes extraordinary Nigerian youth to navigate this abyss and still come out on top on the world stage. It is amazing that our leaders think that it is ok to travel in first class and get all these services in other countries. I suppose that it is ok for them as the visa process is not an issue. They are titled and have protocol. Big man no de queue!

 Arguably the most famous Nigerian is our music legend Fela. He gave the world Afro beat and his lyrics all ring true even today long after he has left us. He was also a political activist and died doing his thing here in Nigeria amongst his people. Where are his awards? Wole Soyinka, Chinua Achebe, I could go on and on.

   

This nation can only reach the highest point of development when we start to appreciate the genius of our ordinary extraordinary people. We have many recipients of international awards, why not here? We should appreciate what these truly extraordinary Nigerians do in promoting us and use them as role models and hope for our nation.  

Arrogance

You know that guy who really loves himself, thinks he has the best of everything and is never wrong, who acts as if he is superior to other people and moves around with a swagger. This is an arrogant person.

Arrogance is a double-edged sword, it can help you attract a few fans as it is the dark side of confidence, and confidence is a good thing. Arrogance however will fill the hearts of those around you with hatred. After all, no one likes to be treated with disdain, and made to feel inferior.

Sometimes the real reason for acting in this arrogant way is to hide one's own feelings of inferiority. A person who tries to give the impression that he is superior may be hiding afear or some kind of vulnerability. If someone claims the ability to do good things like any normal human being, that’s fine but if someone starts to act like a demi-God because of the powerful position in which he finds himself, then he is probably feeling exactly the opposite – in fact very inadequate and anxious - and is trying to compensate for that fear by trying to appear superior. It is all about show and no substance.

In most religions arrogance is considered a spiritual disease simply because thinking that you are superior means that you think that you are the only one responsible for your success, or that you deserve success more than the next person and so, implicitly denying the role of God. We live in a nation where I am sure we see the power of God everyday. Ask President Goodluck Jonathan about that. Even he stated that he is only president by the grace of God.

Why then are we so arrogant when we gain wealth, status and position? Why do we so quickly forget our humble beginnings when we feel that we have achieved or have a healthy bank balance. It is amazing how it all becomes about belonging to the privileged group or keeping up appearances. We need to show that we have arrived. We play this script over and over and over again. It is like we never learn from the example of our forefathers – so many people who reached the heights from humble beginnings, behaved arrogantly, and ended up disgraced and alone!

The same thing happens at home. If we are presently in a relationship that is difficult, we are not happy with our partner, our child, some aspect of our life, we should look within and question what aspects of “OUR” behavior is creating this scenario around us. Always blaming the other person, and never us accepting fault. We should understand that it is never about the other person. It is about “US.” We need to take a good look at ourselves O!

Arrogant people are reactionary. We react to protect the superior image we want to portray. We are actually easy to control as one can predict our reaction to any given set of circumstances. All that is required is to make us feel important and we will like you. After all, the arrogant person wants nothing more than to be respected. On the other hand if you want to provoke our displeasure, simply ignore us or disagree. We hate to feel disrespected.

If you feel that you are good at something then that's great, but know that you are still a human being who has many weaknesses. Focusing only your points of strength will make you arrogant, Thinking only of your weaknesses will make you feel worthless, while focusing on both of them will make you master of yourself. This is the key to satisfaction in life, doing your own thing and letting others be. To live and let live and be master of self.

So if you find yourself always in an argument or having a turbulent relationship with your partner, take a step back and remove yourself from the situation. Try to imagine how the scene would run if you applied some positivity.“Most of us are accustomed to the idea that we are responsible for most of our actions but not all of them. We consider ourselves responsible, for example, for the good deed that brings our neighbour and us together, or for responding to it positively, but we do not consider ourselves responsible for the argument between our partner and us or for responding to it negatively.” – (Gary Zukav, The Seat Of The Soul)