Men Behaving Badly (2)

African traditions and folklore are packed with the emphasis on mothers as the custodians of character moulding in children.  Mothers tend to be the automatic instructor on traditional learning activities. A father can be as good a parent as the mother, but women are those who are more emotionally attached to children.

 

An African proverb says: while a successful child is the pride of the family; a child who fails in life is the product of the mother.  This takes us back to the role of women in parenting. Unfair as it may be to lay the blame on the mother, this proverb cannot be totally disregarded, as the emotional attachment between mother and child cannot be belittled.  

 

The most important role in parenting is to enable the child to feel secure. It is this emotionally symbiotic bond that gives parents the opportunity to instil discipline and moral life skills in the child.  It is what Plato meant when he said, “But at three, four, five, and even six years the childish nature will require sports; now is the time to get rid of self-will in him, punishing him, but not so as to disgrace him…” 

Poorly raised children often lack self-esteem as adults. Overwhelmed by low self-worth, they are the ones who grow up to become menaces to society. They may not have inherited these traits from their parents, but they certainly were ill-prepared for life outside the home. Indeed, poor behaviour is reflective of poor parenting.

British philosopher Francis Bacon said, “The joys of parents are secret, and so are their grief’s and fears.” Understanding how other people feel should be incorporated into the ‘curriculum’ of life lessons.

A man who as a child is taught how to put himself in other people’s shoes will allow for a more balanced view on relationships with others but a mother, who treats her sons either in actions or with utterances as superior to women, raises her boys to treat women as a possession or someone to lord it over. This can have a dark side.  Parents, mothers must understand that they have a hand in men behaving badly.

Here under, is a riposte from a woman that I received over last week’s column “MEN BEHAVING BADLY”. I feel that it is important that I share it with you and women, perhaps have your take on it.

“Dear Hamza,

 It is the very women that create these monsters that are tormenting them. Who is the first to know when a girl or woman has been raped or abused? Who covers up for her husband, brother, son? Who is the first to point at a fellow woman and condemn. Who is it that makes her daughter in-law miserable? Who calls her mother in-law witch? It is the Woman, she it is who has cultivated this institution of where the man is always right even when he is beastly!

 I'm not excusing nor am I saying these brutes are blameless. All I am saying is, we need to look inwards and check for some of the things that have aided this institution. We need to stop bringing up our sons as special beings to the detriment of ourselves.

Your husband's having an affair; “that witch has gotten her claws into my husband!” Why is it that the husband is never blamed, in any other situation he is “strong and superior.” When faced with the real test, you, Woman would make excuses for him citing, “he is weak.”

We need to stop seeing 'the other' women as the devil. Women need to be more proactive, form an empathetic kinship and have more love for each other. Till we're able to form true sister ship we shall continue to be battered and used against ourselves.”

 She makes some very relevant points, even though ultimately I believe responsibility rests with the man.