Men Behaving Badly

Battered Women’s Support Services, one of the platforms for campaigning for violence against women, has, no doubt, chosen an apt campaign slogan: “Don’t Be That Guy”. The crux of their message includes the fact that sex without consent, under any guise, is sexual assault.

 

Criminologists and psychologists have pointed out that rape is partly an instrument of power and control used as an expression of contempt. It is a lack of discretion against man’s carnal urges and an abuse of the notion that “It is a man’s world”. Men who subject women and children to violation have lost the distinction between human and animal because morality is what separates man from beast. Or are we animals in human skin? Lust, desire, addiction, lack of self control, aggression and traditional stereotypes can lead us to shifting the blame of our recklessness on provocation, innocence, to the devil.

 

The exponential growth in rape cases, some involving family members, caregivers, supposed role models and so-called men of God, shows that the viewpoint that exonerates men (the perpetrators) and blames women (the victims) is flawed and does not hold water. If a woman’s dressing is suggestive, must we lose our self-control? Perhaps the most potent argument that rubbishes this pro-masculine dogma is the sexual assault on minors. How provocative could a child dress to warrant being violated, often by those entrusted as family or friends? It has nothing to do with dress style.

 

It is worrisome how sexual assault cuts across geographical and social strata. We are beasts of no nation. Yesterday, gang rape of an innocent woman in Abia; today a so-called man of God defiled a minor in Lagos and Jos. Even royal fathers are not exempt in this indiscretion; a corps member accused the traditional ruler of her place of rape. In New Delhi, India, irresponsible men raped and severely brutalised a 23-year-old medical student lured into a commercial bus along with her male companion. She later died of the injuries sustained. A few months later, a five-year-old girl died after being raped in central India.

 

Many celebrities, viewed as mentors whose lives – both personal and public – should be worthy of emulation, turn out to be wolves entrusted with the custody of sheep.  Jimmy Savile. The chronic paedophile evaded justice after psychologically and physically ruining many lives in his lifetime.

 

Freda Adler, renowned American educator and criminologist, sums it up nicely in “Sisters in Crime” when she says: “It is little wonder that rape is one of the least-reported crimes. Perhaps it is the only crime in which the victim becomes the accused and, in reality, it is she who must prove her good reputation, her mental soundness, and her impeccable propriety.”  What this means is that women live in a society where they are expected to be culprits and victims, and are condemned to coming up with the solution to sexual assault all at the same time.  She is responsible for being raped. She tantalized the man by being a woman or an innocent child!!! She could use her psychological and sexual prowess to change mans behavior! See how ridiculous this sounds?

That men generally desire women or love children is not in question but to twist this desire or love into domination and use of another person for carnal pleasure can never be excused. If you sleep with your wife by force, it is rape. The very act of lovemaking cannot be so if it is forced. We cannot demand love of anybody. It is something that is given of free will and to make out that it can be viewed in any other way means that we need help and should seek it in a mental institution. Responsibility is a promise an obligation that we must fulfill. We must be answerable for our actions or endure the consequent penalty for failure. We must stop behaving badly.